Elizabeth Gilbert quoted a Celtic poem in a recent podcast with Tim Ferris. It includes the lines:
“I have no cherished outcomes… I am not subject to disappointment.”
These words have stayed with me. They have challenged me. During my recent travels, I decided to experiment: what would life look like without cherished outcomes? This approach was new to me. I’ve always been someone who imagines outcomes, researches experiences, and then plans for them. It has led to delightful outcomes - like walking along a deserted beach of tiny pink pebbles in Scotland.
The problem with this approach – be it to travel or life in general, is that it sets you up for disappointment. I remember dragging my family on a scorching day to have a picnic in a park I had read about. The park turned out to be a dusty, neglected garden with little shade. We were forced to find a restaurant at the height of the midday rush, surrounded by a grumpy, hungry crowd. The smelly picnic cheese had to be dumped.
If you build up excitement for a specific moment, thing, person, success, or bank account balance and fail to achieve it, the disappointment can be debilitating. It’s more than just a momentary sting - it can be so hard that it impacts your motivation and causes pain.
It also applies to our money goals, especially our desires for a certain lifestyle. For example, when people cannot afford an imagined retirement lifestyle, it can be highly disappointing, even if their lifestyle is a perfectly fine way of living.
It brings me back to the poem. Having no cherished outcomes opens the door to exploration. Instead of rigidly seeking specific experiences, you open up to finding joy in unexpected moments. Unplanned wanderings through streets can surprise you with tiny scenes of delight – a cat on a chair outside a blue door, an alley of ochre walls leading up to a creamy white church tower set against an impossibly bright sky, a father walking at his toddler’s pace to school. A door to serendipitous meetings often also opens – moments that turn strangers into friends.
I have learned that letting go of the cherished outcome is not the same as abandoning planning. You can get lost if you don’t understand in which direction you’re ambling. Your ambling can become dangerous and stressful. A loose plan – a rough sense of direction – provides structure while leaving room to explore. It’s not planning that we must sacrifice but holding on to the desired outcome.
Sacrificing cherished outcomes means we acknowledge our lack of control - over details and people. It means recognising the potential impact of the unseen and trusting in our ability to adapt to different outcomes.
Since returning from my travels, I’ve personally intended to examine my cherished outcomes. Often, these outcomes lurk where I hold tension – where my expectations steal my ability to be present and content. I want to let go of those.
Perhaps you can take a moment to notice where you’re holding onto cherished outcomes in your planning. Reflect on how that’s working out for you.
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Kind regards,
Sunél