Recently, one of my clients sat in my office, stunned after witnessing the destruction of a family’s life caused by the father’s involvement in fraud—a whole family devastated by the financial choices of one man.
This story sparked a productive discussion about the reasons behind the choices we make and the importance of understanding what drives our behaviour around money. It reaffirmed my perspective on money beliefs.
We are born unique – each of us arriving in this world with a unique lens through which we perceive life. We see things differently. We respond and behave differently. Those of us who have raised more than one child know this.
Naturally, this means we are each hurt by the world in different ways. Our wounds, over time, alter our lenses and shape our behaviour. The severity of our scarring is often influenced by the harshness of the environment in which we grew up.
The interplay between these forces—our inherent temperament and our upbringing and environment—loosely determines the beliefs we form, including those surrounding money. The multitude of potential outcomes these factors produce explains why siblings often do not share the same beliefs about money, or why children from war-torn areas develop different money beliefs.
For most people, these beliefs - including money beliefs - remain hidden, showing up as behavioural patterns rather than deliberate choices. An unconscious bias. Think about the woman who demands a certain material standard from her husband, regardless of the reality of their financial situation. The man who owns several luxury vehicles to display to his friends. The couple who quarrel endlessly about the grocery bill. Or the pensioner who lives meagrely despite having R100 million invested.
Most people will never question their behaviours or tolerate being challenged. This is especially true for those who are frugal. There is a certain moral high ground that is often ascribed to those who display enviable discipline.
However, money beliefs—and the behaviour they produce—can wreak havoc in our lives. I witness this destruction unfold regularly in my office.
Our inability to question the beliefs we hold about earning, spending, saving, deserving, investing and bequeathing money prevents us from using it as a force for good in our lives. Instead, money becomes a source of worry, heartache and damage.
Worse still, what we don’t examine in ourselves is passed on to the next generation as an unseen bequest. Our unexamined money beliefs often become the root of intergenerational trauma.
Even familiar sayings – like “money doesn’t grow on trees” - can carry hidden, unexamined beliefs, in this instance, a belief about scarcity.
Examining our beliefs should become a way of life - a daily awareness of our behaviours and an exploration of the beliefs that drive them. Money consciousness reveals itself in the way we examine our spending patterns and how we model financial behaviour to our children.
No one can fully claim adulthood without having brought their unconscious beliefs to light. It’s a necessary practice - not only to build wealth, but to use that wealth for good: yours, society’s, and the world’s.
My client, having witnessed the damage and consequences of unexamined money beliefs, was inspired to tackle their stuff. To do the work. I hope you will be, too.
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Kind regards,
Sunél